It’s been a while since I posted anything on here and I just saw the annual charge on my credit card so HollyLyme is going to live another year. Why not ramble about how things have been since I have been off antibiotics and antifungals for over a year now?
I don’t have a whole lot to report or maybe I just don’t know how. I think I am “better”. I am not coughing up thick mucus and I don’t have scabs all over my face and body anymore. I sleep more than six hours a night. I am working and enjoying it. I’m okay.
I feel like Lyme disease, at least for me, is very ambiguous right now. There seem to be several schools of thought amongst both doctors and the general public. I would just go with science but that doesn’t seem like a black and white choice currently.
I continue to read and hear about emerging connections, new testing, personal struggles, failures and triumphs of all things Lyme. I don’t feel like I have a clear triumph and or failure personally. I feel like I am somewhere between healthy and forever in fear. That’s all I got.
Ever since I have been a girl I have had this voice in my head fighting the things that I hear and see as I move through the world. When I was yelled at by men on the street I always wanted to yell back in a much nastier and obviously demeaning way! I wanted to laugh and point right back at the boys for the same things they were laughing and pointing at me for. I wanted to be the quarterback, but I didn’t want to be the quarterback. If you don’t get that last line it’s okay.
My first memories of my teen idol started in my summer school gym class. There was another redhead, gym failure who decided it was important to ask me if I knew about Bikini Kill. I didn’t know about them. She was right, it was important. Thank You Jessica!.
What Bikini Kill was and will always be is a revolution. My heart still flips when I hear “Rebel Girl”. The freedom, the joy and the shared secrets that Bikini Kill opened to my girl mind and my girl heart will live with me for the rest of life. I learned that my power was mine and that’s okay. I yelled back! I suffered for this sometimes but it was worth it!
A few months back I was experiencing a large range of serious symptoms, I was calling off of work because I was having trouble not bleeding randomly while pipetting very expensive antibodies. I was suffering from an illness that had been misidentified as a terrible case of MRSA! On one of my insomnia nights I decided to watch the documentary “The Punk Singer”.
This documentary goes over a brief history of a beautiful butterfly who gets shot down by a chronic bacterial illness and then shows the world her wounds. The brilliant Bikini Kill front woman, Kathleen Hanna, her need to be this person who decided what was happening. Her fear of facing this sickness and the shitstorm it will bring. The vulnerability that had to come with her healing. This warrior was having a hard time. Thank God!! Me too! Damn it do I have chronic Lyme disease?
Months, doctors visits, false negative$ and finally a pcr lyme (whole blood) showed the lyme was in my plasma. I started a blog.
The bottom line is this blog entry is a big thank you to Kathleen Hanna for having the gusto to be Kathleen Hanna. You may have saved my life warrior lady!